i will start a new feature called "how i pissed off my wife today"... i am always pissing her off... so i should have a lot to relay... all the eriksaunders.com team members feel free to post also under the same title... "how i pissed off my wife today"....
41 comments:
How I pissed my wife off today:
"Hey I know, why don't I start a feature about how often my wife gets pissed off..."
Erik, I hope your couch is comfy...
i nver thought of that!.. good idea... if she gets pissed off about even having this new feature to the site then thats one more thing i get to type about...
as it is i havent yet pissed her off... so i am going to need to pull something soon... but what?... hmmm...
Wash your socks in the dishwasher. go now!!!
eat toast on her side of the bed. Crumbs will destroy a relationship.
Look, the couch is meant as banishment for you, don't even try to use it as a punitive measure for your wife. Trying to punish a woman with abstinence is like having a staring contest with a cadavre...
It comes down to this... across any species, which of the two two sexes is the one with the bright plumage, loud call, and elaborate mating display?
The Male.
Nature has dictated that we have to spend the rest of out post-pubescent lives dancing around saying, "ooo, pick me, can I, can I, can I?" with the false hope that this will garner us some reation other than the disinterested "No" from the opposite sex.
The more you fight it the less you'll get.
Do I relly belive this?
No.
But then again, I'm not about to air the trite quibbles of my public life in a very public manor.
But hey, good luck!
(And start gathering lots of bright shiny things for the nest!)
Oh, and I find the phrase, "Boy, I whsh you had been that hot when you were her age." particulary helpful when at the mall...
...or a family reunion.
thats a good one... i'll have to use that...
How about:
"It's not that the bike is more important than you. It's just much more fun."
or
"No, based on my personal experience, that's much more than just a rash."
I tell my wife, Honey just one more year. The kids are your hobbie and the bike racing is mine.
Leave the seat up, like 20 times in a row, and then put the seat down but leave the plunger in.
That'll teach 'em.
Slover, your wife is going to kick your ass. Not to say that she won't kick mine after I get you to "live the dream... part II" Gotta teach B how to feed. That's why you had kids right?
i won the toilet seat issue... its got hinges... and she can use 'em too...
Yeah, my wife voluntarily pointed out that she never slides the car seat back after driving, and that's equivalent. She said, "I'll choose my battles".
I nearly cried.
All I could do was look up to the sky and say, "Praise Darwin, she's perfect".
Never thougth putting the seat down was that big a deal... I already did it before marriage. Pre-trained, I supposed.
Slover- more appropriately "the kids are your hobby, making kids is mine". Get your priorities straight.
you arent even married zamudio!....
I Like when my lovely wife said come wash the dishes Asshole... 10 years and counting. Marriage Rocks..
best. thread. evar.
Slover kids comment one of the funniest ever....
FSTBLLY crumbs? Maybe, how about having your teammates* live with you for two months in the spring.
RVD
*Marco is excluded because he is so cute.
jmurder, That said it all. I piss my wife off by touching her. It sucks. Before you get married she has sex with you like a porn star. You get married have kids. It all stops. You're like what the fuck. You say to her suck my cock. She tells me suck your own cock. Before she be sucking the cock... Fuckin Bullshit.
dont have kids.
what ever happened to submitting to each other. Christs plan for your relationship was to honor each other and work together to praise the lord. this whole thread is just wrong....and darwin? parke are you some kind of atheist
you can piss off your wife... come on... if i can piss off people i dont even know and thats a good time i can piss off my wife whenever i feel like it... jmurder.com is potty mouthded...
no, youve got to hold your wife in higher regard than just "people you dont know" who you piss off? you should try to please your wife more. thats the trick, anyone can piss off their wife, but which of you can please your wife, make her feel pretty. dont take the easy way out, pissing your wife off is not funny, its imature, and ignorant. she will never make you feel good about yourself if you continue to try and piss her off.
Slover, your wife is still a porn star... at least with me! Now you're just trying to get all buff like me. She makes me dinner AND it tastes good, not like the crap you get! Oh ya, have fun with the kids.
- N Dogg
Ok, Who's wife is this. And please leave Christ on your wall.
Ya, I can please Slover's wife. Why do you think he keeps me around!
-N Dogg
I've been married far longer than any of you sorry asses. I've pissed my wife off more than any of you little boys could ever dream of, and did so without concious effort - which is the beest way to do it.
The stories I have are legion.
i feel really good about myself when i am pissing off my wife... i like when she yells bad names at me and gives me the silent treatment for days... am i sick?
i am really worried.. i havent pissed her off in a few days now... maybe she doesnt really love me...
Don't worry Erik. She loves you. She just got a new boy friend.
Ya, I know its late,But when my kids can't sleep they come in our bed. even with a king size bed their is no room. and their beds are to small. And I hate the couch. fucckk!
Erik, You have been married for like 5min...
You need to make it as awesome as possible for the first 2 yrs at least, cause as far as I can tell it starts to go to shit about 2.5yr in.
Fucking sucks, but them's the breaks...
I love my wife, I just wish we didn't have to live together.
Good thing I am in CLT for 3-4 days a week at school... But even by the 3rd day of a 3 day weekend I am ready to go back down there, get some peace and quiet.
We broke up for 2 yrs tho, before reunification and then marrage... That was even shittier..
So damned if you do and damned if you don't...
I guess the best option is just to stick around but piss her off to the point where she doesn't talk to you for 5-6 hours when you have had enough. Then you make up and it's all good.
You know more about marriage in 2 weeks than I've learned in almost 3 yrs... No wonder I read your shit.
thats the stupidest fucking thing Ive ever heard....fucking respect your wife, submit to her, not for two years? for life..... you guys are ignorant....it will be paid back to you ten fold.
lamest. thread. evar.
(oh, how quickly it turned...)
OK, for those anonymous, humorless, and/or self-righteous readers:
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that everyone of us who's joking is actually in a very good and even partnership. Infact, I'd wager that as loutish and forktounged as Slover pretends to be, he probably comes home everynight to Claire Huxtable on steroids. And after ten years, you better beleive they've got the leg up on you in terms of partnership.
These are jokes here folks.
I love my wife. I am very grateful to have her back safe at home this weekend to celebrate our anniversary. And we are both linked in a very intimate and empowering union. And man does it make for some good irreverent humor.
This is why Family Circus sucks, and YOU assholes are why they continue to print it.
Life too short to be narrow minded. Laugh it up. Schmucks.
its not funny if you come out and say its a joke... i can tell that you are not probably so good at pissing your wife off... i am going to have to help you let go of that bit that tugs on you to come clean with a "just kidding honey"... nothing kills a great joke more than a "just kiding"... i mean seriously a good joke on your wife can last for days as you watch her stew and be mad walking around the house thinking that she is making you suffer by not talking to you!... imagine that!.. for like days man!... serioulsy... its good stuff...
You know what?
I just deleted my own comment above because I just realized that, in an attempt to establish my own ability to piss my wife off, I was overlooking a rare opportunity to probe minds for new and innovative ways to piss my wife off.
Teach me, masters, I am but a padawan...
you are but a pudwacker really
you are fucked up erik, someone wil end up nailing your wife in the very sheets you sleep in one day, koz, "its good stuff" to piss her off.
i dont think so... man... i am taking a risk, i know.. but i think its a pretty safe one to take...
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