FOR URGENT RELEASE
10.18.05
Baltimore,MD
Today a new era in the world of cycling began as the blissful joining of the most powerful forces known to man has taken place. The new up and coming super-powered Burrito team has officially merged with the long-running unpro juggernaut Team Meatnuts. Thus forming Team Burrito presented by Meatnuts, and at other times Team Meatnuts presented by Burritos.
". . . That is good stuff." Meatnuts Director Sportif The Goid, ESQ.
"This is truely the greatest day in the history of the world and more importantly, the greatest thing to happen to me since I took a crap this morning." Burrito Director jmurder.com, PHd. "We had high hopes for the Burrito team in '06: a team kit, burritos to eat. With this merger, I feel both of those goals can be accomplished."
The Goid could not be reached for further comment, but reports claim that he is flipping off the walls.
On how the team Director duties would be divided, jmurder.com stated, "That's no big deal, we're both very unprofessional. I don't see how there will be any conflicts whatsoever."
On what roster changes would be made, Mr. murder.com stated "I don't see a problem there either. Look (Pierce) Dangleman is still in the picture as a carry over from Meatnuts, and we finalised (Becca) Much's deal last week. Regardless of what myspace.com says, they both really, truely exist and they both are big pieces to this pie. This sexy, wonderful burrito pie."
On what the fallout from other teams may be, j added "Look, I don't give a Brazilian monkey's bald red hemroidal ass what those bitches think. And that's a fact. We are going to dominate everything. Screw those guys. What did Health Net say? I know that's who you've been talkin' to. Look, I don't care, I'll tell them to their faces. Fuck 'em. And I'll tell you one more thing, contrary to the rumors on the internet, myspace isn't going to be a sponsor. Screw them."
Look out wussy riders of the domestic peleton, in '06 you will have a new master: Team Burrito presented by Meatnuts, ot Meatnuts presented by Burritos. Get to work bitches!
17 comments:
what bikes are you guys gonna ride?
Better yet, how will Levi's joining the army impact his race schedule.
RVD
leiutenant ass hobbit on search and destroy missions! think he'll bring his signifigant other- the little dog?
Whoever typed that needs to learn how to proof read. And that's a fact.
Wait a minute . . .
yeah.. what a knucklehead...
Oddly enough cyclingnews.com has yet to mention this . . .
I wonder if they;ll send anyone out to our presentation in January. . .
I can make a mean burrito, fajita, and/or margherita from scratch...
(also, if I think real hard I can make blood spurt out of the temples of dopers' heads)
Think there's room in the van for a soigner/domestique?
Oh, one caveat: I will NEVER massage out any other rider's saddle sores...
(...again).
Is the goid as good at taking barriers as notAmeatnut?
Sure,
Our team is too good to get saddle sores.
Your pay will be getting to hang out with sweetness.
man, the goid sproings his little ass-back right over barriers. he's part fairy, it's in his blood.
Dear Director Sportif,
I would like to express interest in your team, MeatNuts pb Burritos. I am currently looking for a position on a pro team. I am reliable, trustworthy, a hard worker, and can risk everything, if need be. I have had better years than 2005, really, and will be prepared to work for my team leader come 2006. I am enthusiastic as hell. I am a good person. I like to ride. I like teamwork. I don't do drugs. I care. I really care. I care about this team and I don't care about myself so much. ha. No really, I need a job. Please hire me. I'll ride for a gel or two. I'll ride for a tube even. I'll drive across country for an interview.
Thanks. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Becky Broeder
gay.
You seem to be very energetic and professional. That is exactly what we do NOT need. Live the anger and mabye . . . .
screw you guys, I'm starting my own team. And I'm buying Money Much, too. So there.
I'm taking my ball and going home. fuckers.
Hey Becky, These guys suck.. We need some hot girls to ride for us next year. Just send us photos of your team in bikinis... Kate Sherwin sent photos last week!! One of our sponsors is Beverly Hills Pimps & Ho's, So you got to look "HOT" Noel likes to pick out the new talent. See I like Hard working girls. And girls that like risk everything!!!
slover...
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